There’s a few situations in my life when it would be really hand if I could read minds. On the tube and in bars for a start. If I could tell when my fellow passengers were about to dissembark the train I could position myself ready to slip gracefully into their seat. And in bars, when I was single I might add, it would be handy to know who was single and who wasn’t. Sure I could just ask in both of these situations but I’m British and that’s not how we do things. No, no – being able to read minds is the only thing for it. Obviously I’d be using my super powers for the really important jobs!

If I could read minds though, I’d definately do it in races. I’d love to know what time people around me were aiming for so I could latch onto them, or know when exactly someone I’d been running alongside for the past few miles was going to kick for their sprint finish. There’s always that person in a race who you overtake, only to be overtaken by minutes later and so continues the overtakinguntil the finish. I’d like to be able to tune in to their thoughts because I know that if anyone else heard my own it would probably give them a bit more of a push to beat me, although I’d be deeply humiliated if they could hear them.

But maybe it would have its downsides too. I find it distracting enough when someone is panting heavily behind me, it makes me think about my own breathing and how tired I am. Tuning in to someone elses internal monologue of ‘Oh my God, I want to die’ ‘Are we nearly there yet?’ or ‘I need the toilet – where’s the nearest bush?’ would probably switch on similar thoughts in myself.

 So until Steve Jobs launches a gadget that can sort this out for me, I’ll have to fall back on doing what we all do – judging whether I can overtake someone by their pace and (less reliable) their appearance. Come one, we know it’s wrong, we all do to some degree.

2017-06-23T07:40:40+00:00 3 December 2010|