The show started with Angie proclaiming that ‘Week two is the hardest week’. I’m sensing that either Angie or Richard will start each week’s show with a statement similar to this. Maybe Week Three will be the hardest to burn calories but Week Four will be the hardest to get motivated and Week Five is the hardest in terms of fatigue. We get it, losing weight is hard, these guys are pushing themselves beyond their limits, we can see that. We don’t need Masterchef-style shouting ‘exercising doesn’t get tougher than this’ at the start of ever show.

The challenge this week was to hang on to a bit of rope above a swimming pool for as long as they could with the person that held on longest winning. I don’t go to the gym very often but I’m sure I would have noticed this piece of gym equipment. Maybe hanging from a rope above a swimming pool is the latest fitness craze to sweep the nation. Or maybe, just maybe (as the Irish guy from the Green Team pointed out): chubby people can’t look like a swan falling into a swimming pool. Was this a task to see who could hold on longest or a task to see who made the biggest splash? All this show was missing was Craig Revel Horwood in a Sowester holding up a scorecard.

I didn’t notice who caused the biggest waves because I was too distracted by the woman in the Pink Team who couldn’t swim and has a pathological fear of water have a panic attack. Rule one of being a reality TV show contestant: in the audition stage, when asked about your phobias, LIE. Telling them you’re scared of sharks is going to result in the challenge being 50m butterfly in a pool full of Hammerheads.

So the guy flying solo for the Grey Team won the challenge again and got immunity from illimination. The Orange Team were painted as the villains of the show because they had been eating too little and not exercising to the point of having a coronary. When the weigh-in revealed that the Orange and the Yellow teams were the bottom two it was a safe bet that the Oranges were going home. Cue more Apprentice-style promises to become even richer than Davina – I mean lose more weight than the Biggest Loser.

So far I’m loving the Blue Team and the non-Irish half of the Green Team. If half the Green Team could swap with half the Yellow Team, they’d be my favourites. Catch-up: Week 1, Week 3, Week 4, Week 5

Janathon Day 18
Training with the running club. Distance TBC.