With just days to go until marathon number six, taper madness has fully set in. This week it’s manifesting itself in the following behaviour.

Filling every available weekend until October with a race or event.

Refreshing the weather page of the BBC website.

Poking my foot in the hope that will cure it of plantar fasciitis.

Not cycling to work because I’m convinced I’ll fall off and break a leg.

Trying to hold my breath for an entire tube journey because I’m convinced I’ll catch a cold.

Washing my hands several times an hour.

Stockpiling beer that I won’t be able to drink for another week.

Staring at my training log hoping it will magically make up for the 10 days of training I missed.

Trying unsuccessfully to get myself in and out of a wetsuit in preparation for the next goal.

Wondering whether I have a cold developing or if my head just feels weird because of all the First Defense I’m squirting up my nose to prevent a cold.

Remembering I’m running a marathon on Sunday.

Swearing. A lot.

Last week’s London Marathon seems to have inspired a lot of people to pull on their running shoes. This has resulted in a few more sales of copies of my book. So I thought it was about time I plugged it again – so buy The Lazy Runner… or don’t. Whatevs. No pressure.