The other year this blog was shortlisted for Cosmopolitan magazine’s blog awards. I went to the awards party in a bar in Soho, drank a lot of cocktails (Cosmopolitans obviously) and didn’t win. I then went home with a goodie bag full of cosmetics and, finding I was out of my usual, I washed my face with Dettol hand wash.

There were probably several good reasons why I didn’t win that award, but I think the fact that I used Dettol hand wash to rinse off what make-up I’d bothered to put on shows that my own ‘brand values’ are not that closely aligned to that particular magazine. I may not have been the ambassador they really wanted.

After weeks of cycling through snow, rain and gritted roads, my once shiny purple bike has become rather grimy. Dettol hand wash to the rescue? Or washing-up liquid even? I’ve never cleaned a bike before and valuing its metalwork slightly higher than I value my complexion, I put it to twitter to answer for me: ‘Can I wash my bike with washing-up liquid?’

It seems I opened quite the can of worms. Some people said washing-up liquid would do just fine, others said that because it contains salt you need to make sure you get it all off or it will corrode your bike. That doesn’t sound good. My previous bike was like a tank and in its six years navigating the streets of London, it never once experienced that pleasure of a hot bath and a clean pair of pajamas. But my new bike is all together higher maintenance.

It being my first time at this bike-cleaning business, I headed to my local bike shop and bought up armfuls of jars and bottles that the guy on the bike beauty counter assured me would keep my bike wrinkle free and bring all the other bikes to the yard.

We’ve now reached the point in the make-over that I believe my friends at Cosmo would call ‘The Big Reveal’. So here’s a before and after money-shot of my bike.

I’m like the bike equivalent of Gok Wan… but wearing Marigolds and with grease on my face. You know what gets bike grease off your face a treat though? Yep, Dettol hand wash.