Session two of trying to learn to swim the Total Immersion way from a book is in the training bank, and in my second session I learned a few things about swimming.

1. Nose clips stay on your nose better if you take your make-up off first. However, wearing a nose clip raises people expectation of how good at swimming you’re going to be.

2. You can, in fact, wear contacts under goggles and this makes it easier to see things like the clock, other people and the sign that says ‘female changing rooms’. However, the contacts and goggles combo works better if you put your goggles on your face instead of leaving them on top of your head then realising when you’re half way through a length.

3. Swimming caps go a bit mouldy if you don’t dry them out properly and leave it a month between swim session. Swimming kit is generally a bit more high maintenance than running kit – you need to sort it out after every session. Yawn.

4. Some people think that a swimming pool is a place for romance. What element of Tower Hamlets local authority swimming pool sounds sexy to you? Maybe it’s time to bring back the old ‘No bombing, No heavy petting signs’.

5. Learning TI from scratch is hard and takes concentration. But if you concentrate it gets easier. You still, however, feel like an idiot doing drills that involve floating on your side with one arm in the air and then switching sides. I might tell people I’m learning synchronised swimming instead.

If this sounds like your idea of a fun time, you can take advantage of a free swim session courtesy of British Gas. Please no heavy petting though.